


A Stubbornly Persistent Illusion

by TheOtherOdinson



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Loki Has Issues, Post-Endgame, Thor Has Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:55:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22232134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheOtherOdinson/pseuds/TheOtherOdinson
Summary: Two gods, one bar, and a chance meeting.
Relationships: Loki & Thor (Marvel)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 224





	A Stubbornly Persistent Illusion

Thor was tired.

His travelling companions had proven decent enough sorts. Thor might go so far as to say he enjoyed their company - even Quill's. Life aboard the Benatar was noisy, chaotic, and sometimes utterly ridiculous. It was certainly never dull.

He had never felt so alone.

He was wandering the latest in an endless series of space stations where the Guardians spent much of their time when they were not in flight. They stopped for any number of reasons. Fuel, supplies, entertainment, work. Often they stopped when all on the verge of killing each other and in need of time apart.

They'd arrived at this station after departing a nearby star system in a rush after having been hired by one planet's government to retrieve a device stolen by a neighbouring planet. The device was said to be able to hide planets from any and all sensors.

"Why hide a planet?" Mantis had asked.

"War," Nebula answered. "Weapons cannot be aimed at a place sensors can't see. The device is undoubtedly being modified to hide fleets so they can attack without warning or the ability to defend."

"Oh!" Mantis was alarmed.

"Which is not for us to judge," Quill had shot Nebula a quelling look which she ignored. "We're here to do a job, not get involved in local politics."

They'd arrived at the military base where the device was believed to be under guard only to find it had already been stolen by another party. Unfortunately, arriving soon after the disappearance the Guardians were promptly blamed for the theft. Since their sole purpose for being in the area was to steal it - "it's not stealing, we're just taking it back to the people it belongs to," Quill said - it seemed prudent to depart. Quickly.

Before fleeing, Rocket was able to obtain security footage from the area the artifact was being kept.

"Is there anything you don't steal?" Quill had asked.

"Shut it," Rocket shot back. The footage was helpful in only showing the artifact was within a heavily guarded and locked room one moment and gone the next. No one went in the room, nor exited. It was simply gone.

"Like magic," Quill said.

"No such thing," Rocket responded.

"There is, actually," Thor told him.

"Whatever."

Rocket and Quill argued over possible buyers that may or may not be in the area before deciding on the nearest - which also happened to be the largest - station in the area and made plans in hopes of finding information leading them to locating the stolen item.

"We find it, we steal it back from whoever stole it from the people who stole it. Easy," Rocket had said. "Then we can get paid."

"We're not stealing," Quill huffed. "We're retrieving stolen property. There's a difference."

"Eh, semantics."

"Shut up."

"You shut up."

On it went until they were in port and each of them set off in their quest to see if any among the thousands of beings present here harboured stolen goods. Quill and Rocket had a bet going to see which of them found more "thieving scumbags." Thor did not know how to go about finding such buyers. But the task would leave him pursuing it on his own. This suited him. He preferred to venture forth on station visits alone.

Leaving New Asgard behind had seemed a decent enough plan at the time. A far better plan than anything else he'd done in recent years. If it took him away from the claustrophobic weight of memories he could not longer bear all the better. Turns out the memories were not to be outrun. No matter how much distance put between him and Asgard - old and new - Thor still awoke trembling from nightmares more nights than not. When he even slept.

 _It's time for me to be who I am rather than who I'm supposed to be_ , he'd said to Valkyrie before leaving to forge his own way in the universe. He was lying. To Valkyrie. To himself. He was running away. Running because that man - king, prince, son, friend, brother - had purpose and Thor had none.

He wondered if finding a path through life was this difficult for everyone. Or just for broken men.

He wandered the wide corridors, half-watching the people flowing around him. So many races bustling about their business. Thor named them inside his head. Names lining up with races he'd only read about in books on Asgard. Peoples he'd never imagined he might see for himself one day.

 _Loki would love this_ . The thought occurred to him often on his travels with the Guardians. Perhaps that was why he preferred to keep to his own company in such places. Sniffing harshly, Thor cast about for distraction. It didn't take long to locate the nearest bar. Perhaps he would locate one of Rocket's so-called scumbags there.

Walking in, Thor was quickly ready to turn around and walk right back out. The interior was sleek and clean. A marbled bar ran the length of one wall and was lined with plush seats. Clothed tables were carefully arranged so none were too close to another. There were soft lights, art hung on the walls, and the place was populated by clientele that looked as polished as the floors. A small group of musicians on a raised platform in a far corner playing soothing music. It was a bar fit for a king. But Thor wasn't a king anymore and his currency was limited.

As he turned on his heel to go, he saw her. A glimpse out of the corner of his original eye. Enough to stop him and make him look longer. The Aesir woman lounging at the far end of the bar had long dark hair, pale skin, sharp cheekbones, and casual air of superiority. Clad in a long, dark green dress trimmed with black fur she looked more comfortable than anyone else present. A man approached her, drink in hand, and leaning an elbow against the bar while he spoke to her with a cocky smile. Whatever the woman said in response sent the man scurrying away, face pale. He rushed past Thor, all but running out of the bar, still clutching his drink.

At first glance, the woman bore a heart-stopping resemblance to Hela. But it was not Hela. Hers was a face far more familiar. More beloved.

Thor's jaw clenched in time with the fist squeezing his heart as he wondered if Loki would ever stop breaking it. Or if Thor would ever cease allowing it.

He crossed the bar floor in long, angry strides and came up behind his damnable trickster brother hiding behind one of his well-practiced facades. "Come here often?" Thor asked.

Thin shoulders stiffened as the woman suddenly sat up straight. Loki cast a disbelieving look over her shoulder, delicate jaw clenching in annoyance. "Ugh," she said. "What are you doing here?"

"What am I - !" Thor snapped his mouth shut to keep himself from flying into a rage. He didn't know that much about the structural integrity of space stations, but he had learned they didn't hold up well against lightning.

That had been an unpleasant day.

Thor dragged out the chair next to Loki and sat. And glared.

"Oh, what?" She sneered, returning his glare. She started upon taking a good look at him. "Are you wearing a disguise? I can't decide if it's effective or appalling. Or appallingly effective."

Thor wrapped his oversize coat tighter around himself. He knew he looked different than when Loki saw him last years ago on the Statesman, but he thought he looked alright. His clothes were clean. Though long, his beard was combed. Even his hair was neatly brushed and braided out of his face today.

And yet this falsely painted image before him had the gall to sneer? "I am not the deceiver, brother," Thor snapped. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Drinking," she said with an eye roll and knocked back the remnants of her drink. "Barkeep!" She waved at the tiny orange being tending the bar. "Another."

"Sure thing, miss," the barkeep said, trotting over. "And for you, sir?"

"I'll have an ale."

"What kind?"

"I don't care. Whatever's local."

Loki laughed. "Or you could just drink poison." She gasped dramatically. "What a happy thought."

Thor ground his teeth. "Bring me something that won't poison me."

The barkeep looked perplexed. Loki sighed. "Do you have Centaurian black ale?" she asked. The barkeep nodded. "Bring him that."

"Anything to eat?"

Loki nudged an empty bowl his way. "More of these."

The barkeep eyed Thor. "Two?"

Loki snorted and shot a pointed look at Thor's gut. "He certainly doesn't need any."

The barkeep hurried away without another word.

"Is there any point in my asking why?"

"Why?" Loki sounded bored. "Why what?"

"Why everything. Why did you do this? After everything we'd been through? Why lie again? Why run away? Why are you hiding your face? Why do you always do this, Loki!" Thor's voice rose steadily until the last words came as a shout. The sound dropped in the bar as curious eyes settled on them from all directions.

"Keep your voice down, you idiot!" Loki hissed.

"Or what?" Thor challenged.

Loki stood up to leave. Thor's anger gave way to sudden panic and his hand flew out to grasp Loki by the arm. "No," Thor said quickly. "Don't go. I'm sorry. Stay." His voice broke on the last word, sorrow and fear rising up in his throat. "Please," he choked out.

Loki stared at him. "What is this?" Suspicion dripped off every word.

Thor shook his head, not trusting his ability to speak. "Let go," Loki said, cautiously. Thor did. Loki slowly sat back down.

Thor cast another eye over her appearance. He was again struck by the resemblance to Hela even as he clearly remembered Loki crafting this particular disguise centuries ago. But even in his usual form there'd been a strong resemblance to the sister neither of them knew existed. Thor wondered if that, too, was because of Odin. If the memory of the child he cast away influenced the look of the child he found.

"Why are you hiding?" Thor asked.

"Why not?"

"You don't have to hide."

Loki arched a perfectly sculpted eyebrow at him. "Don't I?"

"Not with me. Never with me."

"Especially with you."

"What?" Thor couldn't keep the hurt from his voice. "Why?"

"Thor," Loki sighed his name like a curse and prayer entwined. Green light glittered over the female form and a new Loki emerged clad in casual leathers and wearing a more familiar face. One from Thor's earliest memory of studying a tiny baby asleep in Frigga's arms. One he last saw lifeless on the Statesman. A face Thor knew better than any other, living or dead.

Thor blinked. This wasn't his Loki.

Loki spared him a glance. "Figured it out have you?" Thor gaped.

"One Sex on the Beach."

The barkeep set down a colourful drink and a bowl filled with what looked like small red nuts in front of Loki. If he was surprised to find a male patron sitting where there'd previously been a woman, he didn't show it. "And one Centaurian black ale." A stout glass filled to the brim with a foul looking substance that smelled like a swamp was placed in front of Thor.

Thor ignored the glass, keeping both eyes on the mystery seated beside him. Thoughts pushed through his head, too fast, too slow, too contradictory to make proper sense of them. Thoughts that left him so preoccupied he barely noticed the renewed grief creeping through his limbs and weighing upon his heart. His brother was truly gone.

"Please stop thinking before your efforts set the whole establishment ablaze," Loki said. "Drink your drink. I promise you it tastes better than it smells."

Doubtful, Thor lifted the glass cautiously to his lips and tasted. It wasn't bad. It probably wouldn't poison him. He took another careful sip.

"7092 vintage," the barkeep proudly informed him. 

Thor smiled politely like he had an idea what that meant. He gestured at Loki's drink. "What did you say that was called?"

"Sex on the Beach," Loki answered. "It's made with something called peach Schnapps. I like it."

"That's an Earth drink."

"Oh?" Loki said airily. "I didn't think that wretched little world produced anything of value."

Thor eyed the barkeep. He didn't recognize this one's species. "How do you have a drink from Earth on offer here? Or even the liquor to make it?"

The barkeep's antenna quivered in indignation. "This is the busiest station this side of the galaxy. We get all kinds here. What kind of bar would we be if we didn't cater to the needs of our clientele?"

"With a human drink?"

"You'd be surprised," the barkeep said.

"He really would," Loki said. "It's pathetically easy to surprise him. Embarrassing really."

"Maybe one day I'll surprise you."

"Doubtful."

The barkeep held a small electronic device out to Loki. It looked to be a method of payment. Loki tapped a few keys and waved it away. Seeing them settled with their drinks the barkeep eased off to tend to other tasks.

"So where did you come from?" Thor asked. "Or should I ask - when?"

Loki breathed a soft sound of amusement. "I should make you guess."

Thor said nothing.

"You're no fun," Loki complained. "But why am I surprised? You're Thor. Thor is never any fun."

Thor smiled humorlessly. "I'm plenty fun. As you know well."

"It's nothing to me if you choose to delude yourself."

Thor tucked his hands around his drink. "Fine. I will guess. New York. You got away."

Loki blinked. Thor shot him a big smile. Loki returned it with a dazzlingly false one of his own. "Yes. My invasion of the very world that created this quaint little drink. I defeated you, as I knew I would - "

"You didn't. You were captured. I was there."

Loki carried on as if Thor hadn't spoken. "- and escaped with the Tesseract in hand. Strangely, I did not care to return to Asgard. I soon discovered I did not have to remain within the strand of the universe woven for me. With the Tesseract I can truly go wherever I please. And so I have."

"Here?"

"Why not?"

Thor nodded. Four of his teammates went to the past on Earth in search of the Infinity Stones. Specifically, New York in the aftermath of Loki's invasion. They knew where their past selves would be and planned to create a diversion in which to steal the Tesseract. Thor later learned something went amiss leading Stark and Rogers to go further back in the past in another attempt at capturing their prize. Thor never learned the specifics of went wrong with the original plan. But then, he didn't ask. What he did know was a change to the timeline in the past didn't affect his present but instead created a new timeline.

And here sat the result. Thor studied this Loki unashamedly. Taking in the differences. This Loki was younger. That was the difference he noticed immediately. Younger and wilder. A Loki who ran off after his failed invasion and learned how to escape his own timeline. But then Loki was always far cleverer than most even without the use of an Infinity Stone. Thor wondered at the kind of chaos he'd been leaving in his wake through time and space and didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

"Satisfied?" Loki asked, without looking at him.

"Almost never," Thor said.

Loki did look at him then. "Since when?"

Thor forced a smile that felt about as broken and wrong as the rest of him. "Since Thanos."

Loki jerked in his seat. He recovered quickly and affected an air of nonchalance Thor didn't believe it for a moment. "Is he floating about here, too?"

"No. He's dead."

Loki gave him a guarded look. Almost hopeful. "Truly?"

"Yes," Thor promised. "I took his head." That Thanos succeeded in his insanity and their efforts to undo it led to a past Thanos emerging in their present went unmentioned. As it was, their efforts to undo Thanos's destruction is what allowed another Loki to be here now.

Loki's eyes closed in relief, his posture slumping. "Good. That's good, Thor."

"You should have told me sooner. About Thanos."

"Would you have listened?"

"Yes."

Loki hummed low in his throat. "And when would have been the best time for this conversation? After I finished burning your precious Midgard to ashes? Or should I have waited until you succeeded in dragging me back to Asgard in chains?"

Thor opened his mouth and closed it again without speaking. He knew something had been wrong on Earth all those years ago after he reunited with his supposedly dead brother. He knew it at once on the mountain where Thor brought them after taking Loki out of the mortals' aircraft. _Who showed you this power? Who controls the would-be king?_ Instead of holding firm and demanding answers, Thor let Loki wind him up and his questions quickly fell aside in favour of his anger.

But then that had long been Loki's favourite tactic - goading Thor until his anger drowned out his sense. And why not? When it garnered consistently good results. By the time they'd returned to Asgard, Thor's fury drove him to abandon Loki to his fate. His anger, Loki's lies, and round and round they went until the end.

Thor's regrets were awash in his brother's blood.

"You could have told me on Earth," Thor said quietly. "The mountain. Aboard Fury's airship. Stark's tower."

"Before or after I stabbed you?" Loki smiled nastily.

"Was that what that was?" Thor refused to be baited. "I've had worse wounds shaving."

"Which you apparently no longer do."

"You should have told me."

"You gagged me!"

"You should have told me," Thor repeated calmly.

Loki scoffed and his expression went carefully blank. He turned his attention on the bowl, picking at the red nuts, occasionally selecting one to eat. Thor focused on his drink in the uncomfortable silence. After a few minutes, Loki pushed the bowl closer to Thor. Thor took the offering for what it was and took a few nuts. They were sour, squishy, and disgusting. Probably not nuts. He ate them anyway, ignoring Loki's smirk. The silence stayed, but the discomfort eased.

"Think he'll listen? My Thor?" Loki asked at last.

"He's me."

"He's not."

"He was until you ran off with the Tesseract. When I returned to Asgard with my brother, I was so furious with him for everything he'd done I didn't speak to him for nearly a year. I would have gone longer if events hadn't forced my hand."

"What events?"

Thor considered telling him. About Frigga. Hela. Odin. The destruction of Asgard. Perhaps all their fates might run a different course. Or perhaps they'd already had. Thor had no way of knowing the effect of Loki's escape with the Tesseract upon the new timeline he created. The existence of that timeline was proof of the effect tampering with the past had. As did the emergence of a second Thanos in this one.

This was the kind of decision Thor no longer wanted to make for fear of making the wrong one. _You should have gone for the head._ What if telling this Loki, who had not the experiences his had, only made everything worse? What if his rage at Odin, at Asgard, sent him to try and ally with Hela instead of fighting her? One thing Thor had learned long ago was that when it came to Loki, he could not anticipate his actions. Loki was not to be predicted. Not by Thor. Not by anyone. Not even by Loki.

"A lot happened," Thor finally said with a sigh. "He'll be angry, Loki."

"Obviously."

"Obviously. But he will listen. He loves you. It won't stop him from being angry, in fact, I wager after you tell him about Thanos, he'll be angrier."

"Were you?"

"I didn't get the chance."

Loki eyed him suspiciously. "Where's the other me?"

Thor couldn't meet his eyes. "It's a long story."

He felt Loki studying him. Knew this Loki was reading him as easily as his ever did. When Loki leaned back sharply in his seat, Thor knew he found his answer.

Loki sniffed. "Just as well. I don't have the time for long stories today. Far too busy."

"Places to go, timelines to mangle?"

"Go fuck a dwarf."

Thor laughed. It felt good. "Have you returned to Asgard at all?"

"Why would do I do that?"

He was lying, Thor realized. _Leave it alone,_ a small voice in his head whispered. Thor ignored it and took a chance. "To see Mother?"

Loki twitched. Thor smiled to himself. "How was she?"

"She was well," Loki said. "We had tea. And talked."

"No one saw you?"

Loki shook his head. "Odin was busy. Apparently the Dark Elves were not as exterminated as our tutors led us to believe. They were attacking Midgard. I'm not sure why, but I applaud their choice of targets. The Allfather was preparing to finish what his father started." Loki glanced at him. "Did that happen in your timeline as well?"

"Something like that." Relief flooded his veins to hear Frigga was alive when Loki saw her last. He wondered at how the Convergence played out differently. Had there been an attack upon Asgard at all? Where was Jane? The Aether? As much as he wanted to ask all those questions and more, Thor decided to leave well enough alone. He changed the subject. "So what are you doing here anyway?"

If Loki noticed what Thor was doing, he didn't mention it. "I had business in the area."

"How is that possible? This is my first time here and I actually belong in this time."

"It's amazing the things one hears while travelling."

"Meaning?"

Loki smiled. "Certain items of great value don't always remain in the same place. Turns out something interesting I couldn't get near in my own time was more accessible in this one."

"How did you know?"

"As I said I hear things while travelling."

Thor stared. Smugness was rolling off Loki in waves. "This item wouldn't happen to be a device known for hiding planets per chance?" Thor asked tartly.

Loki shrugged.

"Where is it?"

"Sold it," Loki said. "For a truly astonishing sum."

"Is that so?"

"Maybe."

"What do you intend with the money?"

"None of your business."

Thor was flabbergasted. The Guardians were searching this very station for any lead that would bring them to the stolen device. And it turned out to have been snatched by his brother from an alternate timeline the Avengers had accidentally helped create.

Thor shook his head. "I shouldn't be surprised by anything you do. Yet I still am."

"Because you are a naive fool."

"I suppose I am."

Loki shot him a look bordering on fond. Thor drank it in.

"You know," Thor said, not daring to hope, "it's safe here. With Thanos dead. You could stay. For a time. If you wanted."

Loki's eyes searched his face. "You mean that."

"I do."

"I see."

"I have a ship. I mean, I don't have one, it doesn't belong to me. But I've been travelling aboard for some time. The crew are a bit rough, but there are many fine adventures to be had. Or we could strike out on our own if you like." Thor spoke too fast, leaving no room for interruption. He feared being mocked as much as he craved the voice doing the mocking. He stared at his empty glass and dared to imagine a future.

"Thor, I...Damn," Loki hissed.

Thor looked up. Loki was looking past him, brimming with irritation."He is annoyingly persistent."

Thor turned and saw the mortal sorcerer - Strange - standing in the doorway. Strange scanned the room, a puzzled frown etched on his face. Thor watched as Strange seemingly looked right at him before his gaze moved past.

"You're hiding us," Thor said.

"I should make it easy for that buffoon? I think not."

"What is he doing here?"

"He's here for me."

"Why?"

"Some nonsense about me creating rifts between timelines and threatening the integrity of the multiverse," Loki said.

"Are you?" Thor looked about the room worriedly. As if other dimensions were about to fold in around them whilst the band was launching into an upbeat tune.

"The risk is negligible," Loki said dismissively. "This one fancies himself a guardian of such matters. He's intent on 'putting me back in my place,' as he so charmingly put when I encountered him last. He's a bigger fool than you are."

Loki was watching Strange through narrowed eyes. Thor recognized the look and feared daggers were about to start flying.

"We could just speak with him," Thor suggested gently. "I know Strange. Perhaps we can come to an understanding of some sort." Thor wondered at Strange's plan for confronting Loki. The man caught his Loki off guard the only time they met. If this Loki already crossed paths with Strange, then Strange no longer had the advantage of Loki underestimating a mortal foe.

"Don't be an idiot," Loki said.

"It's just a suggestion. I don't think he's leaving any time soon."

Strange's aggravation was plain as he studied every being in the room. However he tracked Loki to this place, it brought him no closer once Loki hid behind magic.

"No. He knows I've been here. Let him waste effort trying to determine where I've gone."

"Where you've - ?" Thor turned so quickly he nearly fell off his chair. Loki was still next to him. Palms flat on the bar top, gazing down at a half empty glass. Thor's heart sank. "Loki?"

"Sorry, brother. This is goodbye," Loki's shade spoke without inflection. His eyes never lifting from the glass. Thor reached out to touch his shoulder and a shimmer of green swept over Loki's form, leaving nothing behind but the empty chair.

Thor swallowed past the sudden lump in his throat. "Goodbye," he whispered.

"Thor!" Strange called, sounding equally surprised and suspicious. Thor lifted a hand in a half-hearted greeting as Strange made his way over.

"What are you doing here?" Strange asked, frown still present.

"Nothing much," Thor said, trying for casual. "Catching up with someone I once knew. Odd, isn't it? Whom you can run into in places like these. Join me for a drink, Strange. Tell me what brings you to these parts."

Without waiting for Strange's response, Thor reached over and scooped up Loki's abandoned drink. He raised it in a silent toast before draining the glass. His Loki was dead. Thor would carry the sorrow with him the rest of his days. But somewhere in the tides of space and time another Loki was alive and well. One who already outwitted fate's will with his very existence. One who might do so again.

Perhaps one day, if the universe was kind, Thor might meet him again. He hoped.

_end._


End file.
